


Too Little, Too Late

by AnnaSayre



Series: Destiel Ficlets [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, M/M, Pining, Please Don't Kill Me, Sort of? - Freeform, Unrequited Love, so much angst im so sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-04
Updated: 2015-07-04
Packaged: 2018-04-07 16:33:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,710
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4270278
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnnaSayre/pseuds/AnnaSayre
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Castiel is getting married</p>
            </blockquote>





	Too Little, Too Late

Dean waited until the water was ice cold before cupping it in his hands and splashing a generous amount of it on his face, taking care not to get it on his tux. He took a deep breath, pressing both palms heavily into the counter and looking up, watching through the mirror as the water dripped off the tip of his nose and onto the counter in front of him. He took a deep breath, but it didn’t help.

There was a knock on the door; unnecessary, because it was a public bathroom, but he waited a moment and soon enough Jo was poking her head through the door cautiously. They locked eyes through the mirror for a moment before she stepped inside, locking the door behind her. "How are you doing?"

"I can't do this."

It wasn't an actual answer, but it said enough. It said everything. She stepped forward, placing a comforting hand on his shoulder. He closed his eyes, took another breath, blew it out slowly. When he opened his eyes again, looking at the counter beneath him, he saw that his hands were shaking. He focused on trying to steady them. He felt Jo take a breath beside him and braced himself for her next words.

"I wish I could tell you what to do." Her grip tightened slightly. Her voice was laced with sadness that was almost as deep as what Dean was feeling right now. "But really, Dean... Its not going to end well whether you do it today or next year, and doing it today... It could ruin everything."

"You're supposed to be on my side."

She chuckled and boosted herself up onto the counter next to him. He couldn't bring himself to meet her eyes. "I am on your side. I just need to make sure you're seeing the bigger picture here. Because Dean... You've gone years without saying anything; without doing anything. And I get that this time, it's all or nothing. I just want you to be sure, if you go through with this, that you know whether or not it's worth it. I need you to be prepared for how this ends, because there's only one way."

"You don't think I know that? I need to know, Jo. And I need him to know. So much has happened. There's so much I need to say and I just... I just need to know."

She offered him a small smile, but it was sad. Pitying. She glanced at the clock above the doorway. "You've got ten minutes."

Dean wiped his hands down his face, dry now that it'd been left alone for so long. He took another breath; straightened his back. Jo followed him out the door and they went their separate ways- her to head into the chapel, and him to head toward the groom's room. He approached the door and steeled himself, taking a deep breath before rapping his knuckles lightly on the door. He waited a few seconds before entering the room.

Cas stepped out of the bathroom the second he closed the door, and Dean felt the breath he just took leave his lungs and he had to catch himself for a moment again before he could do anything. Cas saw him standing there and smiled hugely, small traces of anxiety leaving his eyes as he did so. “Hey, I just sent Jo looking for you.” He started moving around the room, pulling his tuxedo jacket from its hanger and shrugging it on carefully.

“Oh... yeah, she found me. Cas I gotta tell you something.”

He continued moving restlessly, making sure he had everything he needed. “We should get ready to head out there in the next few minutes- here can you...?” He held out the flower that was supposed to be pinned to his jacket, and Dean nodded and stepped forward, thinking the world really hated him today.

He held his breath as he carefully pinned the lily to Cas’ suit, making sure to also straighten his blue tie before unconsciously smoothing out the lapels. “You look great.” He tried a smile, but it felt awkward on his lips. He took a step back. “Cas, I really gotta talk to you.”

Castiel must’ve caught the seriousness that was hidden beneath his tone, because he straightened, his head cocking just slightly to the right. His expression turned into one of equal parts concern and worry. “What’s wrong?”

“I...” He took another deep breath, trying to figure out how to get the words to roll off of his tongue. He’d thought about doing this so many times for so many years, and now that he was faced with actually doing it... well, he was scared shitless. He thought about what Jo said. Once he did this, there was no going back.

But he had to do it now. This was it. After this it would be too late. Too late.

“Dean, can this wait until after the ceremony? We really need to-”

“I can’t let you do this.”

Cas snapped his mouth closed immediately, squinting as he processed the words. The weight on Dean’s chest didn’t disappear like he thought it would. He waited for Cas’s reaction, wishing he could tell if Cas knew what he meant. Cas’s face stayed frustratingly blank. Dean tried to continue. “I thought, you know, that it would be okay... that I would be okay with it and I was, at first... but you know after a while I-”

“No.” Dean looked up and felt his heart jump right into his throat. Cas took a step forward. “No, you... you don’t get to do that, Dean.” his voice was hard; he was angry. But his voice caught when he said Dean’s name, which meant he was also distraught. “You don’t get come in here like it’s nothing, and tell me that you... that you...”

“Love you?” Dean found his voice and took an earnest step forward. “Because I don’t, Cas. I don’t just love you. I’m in love with you. I have been since-”

Cas held up a hand and shook his head; Dean shut up. “I don’t... I don’t care.”

“Cas-”

“No!” It was Cas’s turn to take a step forward; he pointed a finger at Dean, practically yelling. “No, I don’t care! You don’t get to do this, Dean!. Ten fucking years later, you don’t get to come in here and turn my life upside down again! I’m happy. After so long of nothing but blindly pining after you, wishing and hoping for more, I finally let you go. And I focused on me, and I found someone who loves me the way that you never could; someone who isn't afraid to. After all that, after everything you put me through, you don’t get to come in here five minutes before I get married and tell what I needed to hear ten, five, two years ago. That’s not... that’s not fair.”

He was shaking his head, breathing heavily. Dean couldn’t seem to even think straight. After all this time... He thought, years ago when they’d first met, that maybe Cas had some kind of crush or something. But he never knew... What Cas was talking about now. This wasn’t a crush. He didn’t expect this; didn’t know how to respond.

So he just stood there in the middle of the room, silent, watching as Cas caught his breath and calmed himself down. His voice was quiet, barely audible when he finally spoke. “So you...?”

“Yeah.”

“I never... Cas, I never knew...”

Cas chuckled humorously. “You were never supposed to.”

Dean ran his hands over his face, scrubbing at it roughly and letting out a huge breath. “So what... what do we do now?” He needed to ask. He needed to know where they stood, what was going to happen. Where they went from here.

“Nothing.” Cas’s voice was hard, final, and maybe a little bit sad but that didn’t matter. “We do nothing, Dean. I’m going to leave this room and I say my vows and I hope that you’ll be standing there to hand me the rings but if not... And we pretend that this conversation never happened because it doesn’t matter, anyway.”

“Cas...”

“Don’t be late.”

And then Cas was gone, the door clicking shut softly behind him, and Dean had no idea what to do. He didn’t know what he’d expected when he’d entered the room. He didn’t know what he had wanted to have happened. He just knew that he needed to say it, needed Cas to hear it. And now he’d said it. And now Cas knew.

There was nothing else for him to do.

So Dean took another breath - it was still hard to do; his chest still hurt. But he left the room, and traced slowly the path he’d taken during the rehearsal last night and he stood next to Cas at the altar and straightened, folding his hands over one another in front of his waist. He kept his gaze trained on a candle hanging on the wall across from him, felt Cas tense when the priest asked for anyone who would like to speak now.

Dean held his peace, and tried for a small smile as he handed Cas his rings. He clapped with everyone as a too long kiss sealed the marriage, and he piled into a car with four other people to got to the reception.

And later, after he’d started feeling numb, he stood up and tapped his fork lightly against his champagne flute, taking the microphone the DJ handed him. And he gave his speech, as Cas’s best friend, and he wished the newlyweds years of happiness and good fortune, and maybe, while he was speaking, he got choked up, and maybe there were parts where he forgot to breathe, but he was sincere, and he held Cas’s gaze throughout the entire thing, even though it hurt more than anything.

Everyone around him clapped and raised their glasses in a toast, and Dean slipped on his jacket. The DJ announced the first dance, and Dean slipped out the back door, unnoticed by anyone else. He didn’t know where he was going, he just needed to go away.


End file.
